The renowned writer and African adventurer Karen Blixen (Isak Dinesen) wrote in her autobiographical book Out of Africa of her longing and remembrance for her farm in Africa at the foot of the Ngong Hills. Migrants know too well the sadness that can travel alongside them with the repressed understanding that they will continuously be separate from the very places, people and experiences that once may have been the cause of much joy and excitement.
This separation is an elusive feeling combining the sadness of loss and the pining for a memory with a hope that a reunion with that person, place or time may reoccur. This feeling is referred to as saudade in Portuguese. What distinguishes saudade from nostalgia is the sense of hope that nestles in with the feeling of loss. There is still hope that a reunion might occur. If you’re familiar with the concept of ambiguous loss that researcher, Pauline Boss introduced to the world in the 1970s, you’ll know that hope and loss are partners in the complex tangle of emotions associated with ambiguous loss.
When changes take place saudade can visit us. As we move into our new mental and physical space and inhabit different ways of thinking and interacting, we may long for the past, we might hope that things could return to the way they were. Could the innocence and optimism of our youth return? Could the sense of the unbroken heart we once owned ever experience love in the same way? Could we turn back time and start that interaction over with our new awareness and confidence?
In our experience of working with clients and using our narrative practice approaches, we work on specific remembering activities that acknowledge some of the legacy gifts of the past and pay tribute to how special the past can have been. Each of us can move on and change and still be okay with the past. We may even long for the past versions of ourselves. As the eloquent journalist Joan Didion so wisely stated, “We are well advised to keep on nodding terms with the people we used to be, whether we find them attractive company or not.’
If you are moving through change or have arrived at the other side of a change you might find our narrative approach is the right tonic to strengthen your resolve about who you have become. Even if you find yourself at peace with the new psychological shores you have disembarked upon, you could find our remembering approaches incredibly powerful in assuaging the impact of saudade and giving you the tools to move forward with confidence carrying the wisdom of the past.
Why not reach out to Made Better Human or consider attending our Made Better Stories program. In particular you might find our module on Transitioning Stories useful. We’re looking forward to hearing your stories.