People transition through many different roles throughout their lives. Sometimes these changes seem to happen effortlessly, and we glide into new ways of being without much drama or resistance. Other times the changes can be tough. We may not want to see ourselves as ‘between jobs’; living with a significant illness; single; divorced; fired; an empty nester. Many experiences can change how we like to think of ourselves, and we can, at times, have a tough time coming to terms with our transitions. We can struggle to launch ourselves into a new understanding of who we are becoming. This migration of identity can become stalled, and we can feel stuck. 

The behavioural economist, Daniel Kahneman has written extensively on the biases and heuristics that influence our behaviour and decision-making processes. Daniel Kahneman's happiness theory offers the idea that we have two selves - the experiencing self and the remembering self, and that the remembering self influences our overall sense of happiness than the experiencing self. In other words, we can have an overall poor, or horrible experience, but if it ends well, we typically remember it in a positive way.  

How we understand and how we reshape our life experiences can be oriented around a contamination story or a redemption story. Each type of story represents a different way of interpreting life events, and these interpretations significantly impact our identity, resilience, and well-being. 

We don’t always get to think about ourselves in an optimistic or redeeming light. People in our lives can say and do things that we give meaning to in such a way that we start to think that who we are is problematic. 

For some of us, as we move through life, we have experiences where our thoughts, feelings or experiences are dismissed, minimised or invalidated by others. This can often occur in the context of traumatic events. These experiences can have lasting psychological consequences, contributing to shame, self-doubt and emotional dysregulation.

From a narrative practice perspective, empowerment stories are crucial because they help individuals reclaim agency and control over their lives. Narrative practice posits that the stories people tell about themselves shape their identities and experiences.

In our lives there are a suite of master narratives. These can be dominant and widely accepted versions of events or a story that shapes and influences our understanding of things and our perception of reality. Gender, age, nationality, race, religion, education, social class – these are all examples of master narratives that surround us. 

By deconstructing problem saturated stories, we can start to see how we have internalised messages and meanings about ourselves that simply may not be true. Recognising how a problem story is impacting our life and restraining our potential can open up an awareness of where the problem story is less dominant and what is made possible when we bring our attention to other parts of our character and behaviour that contradicts the problem story. 

As we move through life, we may pick up messages about our differences. We can become aware of dreams and wishes we feel excluded from having and we may come to conclusions that we are not good enough to have or enjoy some of the offerings of life. We arrive at a decision that there must be some sort of problem with us. Many times, we then pay attention to situations, comments and interactions that validate this assumption that we are the problem. 

For all of us, problems can visit our lives at any time. There are times when we might feel as though our problems over-stay their welcome and, like unruly house guests, they can invite more of their problem friends to crash into our lives. Some problems move in alongside us and can travel with us for decades. This is one of the problems with problem stories! Some problems pop up and move on in relatively short bursts of time. Regardless, none of us is immune to problems.  When I work with individuals and teams, I notice that problems stories can fall into a few dominant themes.