As we make sense of the experiences of life, we attach a meaning about what’s happened based on how we see ourselves. If we see ourselves as fortunate, blessed or charmed we might imagine that good things happen to us. The meaning we will attach to an event of good fortune might sound like, ‘I guess I’m just lucky, out of all the candidates who applied they selected me’. If we understand ourselves as being plagued by bad luck, cursed or simply overlooked, the meaning we ascribe to events takes on a different connotation. You’d hear statements like, ‘That’s just my luck’, or ‘Murphy’s Law, it will happen to me’. What underpins these orientations is a belief that there is something wrong or right within us. Our character is flawed or blessed.
In reality we all live lives salt and peppered with events that range across the spectrum of catastrophic through to inspirational. Time and again when I talk with clients, I hear them disparaging themselves or transferring accountability for good fortune or bad-luck, to fate, god-like forces or the cruel vagaries of life. This could be considered whimsical thinking and becomes a convenient distraction robbing us of our sense of personal agency. Agency is the sense of control we feel over our lives and our capacity to influence our thoughts and behaviour while holding onto a belief in our ability to handle events. When we have agency, we recognise that we can manage our psychological stability in the unpredictability of life. We are able to stay flexible in the face of conflict and change. Remaining unambiguous in the ambiguities of being human.
Watching someone win back a sense of agency over their lives, taking control of chaos, calming erratic emotions, and repairing ruptured relationships is a thing of great beauty. You get to witness a realisation that we have skills and knowledge and lived experience that can be used to make a difference. When people make the decision to activate change because they are tired of feeling stuck or out-of-control, they probably don’t realise just how much their experience is going to be useful. They may have written off their experiences as unfortunate and devolved responsibility to other people and magical forces, however, getting back in touch with our personal agency is life-affirming and empowering. Owning who we are, why we are like this and how we got to believe certain thoughts allows us to bring an energy to the events of our life that is focused on coming through circumstances with wisdom and new skills.
“Life will entice, after all.” – Amor Towles, A Gentleman in Moscow
If you want to win back your personal agency over events and reignite your sense of empowerment, why not reach out to Made Better Human or consider attending our Made Better Stories program. You might find our module on Empowering Stories particularly useful. We’re looking forward to helping you discover the other stories waiting for you to rediscover.